Silencing the Woman to Please the Boy

I am completely and unabashedly political. I am hard headed and stubborn and ready to blow the moment an argument starts. I am front lines at the protest and last one to go home at the demonstration. I want to see, feel, and experience it all. I want to discuss with everyone I meet; what’s worse is I want to persuade just about everyone too. It’s a character flaw; I’d argue a brick wall into dust if I could. I’m comment on every post, unfollow at the frequency, just can’t deal with me on your newsfeed political. And I’m not sorry. 

Someone said, “I don’t know how you do it.” I said, “I wasn’t given a choice.”

It’s not just politics and it’s not a choice. Immigration ban, Muslim registry, sexual harassment, assault? I’ve lived it and I’m just the tip of the iceberg. There’s DACA students, undocumented immigrants, hijabis, black men, black women, LGBTQIA* folks, intersectional folks of all kinds, people with disabilities (both physical and mental), the poor, the disenfranchised, the forgotten, just to name a few. If you’ve got a good bit of privilege, you’ve probably rolled your eyes by now and closed this article. I don’t blame you; it must get tedious to hear the same story over and over again. But maybe what you hear next isn’t something you’ve heard before:

This is a string of replies sent to me for a simple disagreement about politics. This is a stranger. A person who has never met me and, I hope, never will. A person, who without meeting me, wishes to cut my head off. Now let’s be honest, the politics didn’t push him to this extreme. Nothing I said or did over the internet pushed him to this. My existence pushed him to this. He has so much hate in his heart that the mere thought of a person like me existing makes him want to kill.

People like Erik Hood are few and far between. People who enable him, who remain silent in the face of hatred and dismiss it are not. This article is not a message to those people. It’s not even a message for Erik Hood. It’s a message for women like me.

Dear strong woman,

No matter what color you are, you are at a disadvantage in the society we live in. Actually, you’re at several disadvantages. 1 in every 6 women in the United States has been the victim/survivor of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (RAINN). Native American women, you are the most susceptible to sexual violence in this country at twice the rate of other Americans (RAINN). In the first 6 weeks of 2017, 7 transgender women were killed; of those seven, 6 were black transgender women and the other was a Native American transgender woman (NW). Acknowledging these statistics does not make you a snowflake. It does not make you weak or a victim. And what I’m about to say next is not blame or fault to be placed on you.

I kick myself for it because I’ve done it. I’ve held back my voice. I’ve clenched my fists until my knuckles turned white. I’ve “white-passed” even for a boy. I’ve neglected to share my faith or special holidays for fear that they would scare away the boy. I’ve suppressed cultural tendencies who make me who I am. I’ve received messages like the one above, called a significant other sobbing, and heard “wow” *silence* “You could call the cops” to which I would respond “To what avail?” and finally the dreaded, “Well I don’t know what you want me to do!”

I know.

I want you to say something. Not because I’m your friend, girlfriend, acquaintance, coworker, or classmate but because I am a person. I want you to care before you met me and long after. I want you to acknowledge the racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, anti-Semitism, Islamophobia and biphobia that exists. I want you to take a stand because it’s the right thing to do. That’s a tall order, though. I can’t rely on you to do that.

If I can’t rely on you, I’ll rely on me. I’ll pass on the next Trump supporter who claims they’re not the average Trump supporter because if you’re a Trump supporter at this point, you’re either in support or you’re complicit. I’ll pass on the boy who brushes off politics because I need to know if you value my life not just my womanhood. I will be a proud Muslim in the face of your conservative family and I do expect you to call out the Islamophobic comments they make. No, their generation is not an excuse. No, their birthplace or hometown is not an excuse. There is no excuse. I’ll pass on the boy who claims to love his country but does not love the immigrants it was founded on. I’ll pass on the boy who claims southern heritage by hoisting a flag dripping with the blood of innocents who were enslaved, lashed, and murdered. No, I will not equate Black Lives Matter to ISIS or ISIS to Muslims. The “alt-left” is not the same as the “alt-right” and the “alt-right” ARE Nazis. No, I will not accept you as an American if you wear a swastika or raise your arm to heil anyone. There were no other options to vote for? False, there were plenty. You CHOSE hate. Now, I pay the price.

It is your right to say, do, and vote however you want (within the confines of the law). It is my right to not give you a moment of my time. I don’t care if you’re “old school,” “conventional.” “traditional.” or any other name you want to stick on it. For every woman who’s tamed her ethnic hair, downplayed her curves, stripped down, covered up, kept silent, hidden her religious pendant, or reasoned with hate, why are you staying silent for a boy? Do not tolerate the misogyny for the black boy or the racism for the white boy or the bigotry for any boy. Do not silence the woman to please the boy.

 

 

Share, discuss, argue, and debate as you like but start a conversation! Avalanches start when snowflakes begin to move.